Search Term Hall of Fame

Back in December, my friend Jessa at Riotous Living posted about the progress she’d made on her Day Zero Project list. At that point, I had completely forgotten about my Day Zero Project. I rushed over there and firstly, finished the damn list. I checked off a few things, and made some revisions, including my goal to reach 3000 monthly views on my blog. I realize this is a very modest goal, but for someone who doesn’t spend more than six hours a week reading, writing and commenting in the blogosphere, I thought it was a good number that I could reach within the 1000 day zero days. Well, color me surprised. Here we are not even six months from when I set that goal, and I did it. My monthly views in April exceeded 3000! Yay for me. Jesus will tell you that he catches me looking at my WordPress stats way more than I like to admit. It’s a compulsion that – rightly or wrongly – is directly tied to my sense of self-worth and productivity. One of my favorite things to look at is not the numbers, but search terms! (I swear.) How are people finding me? This not only tells me what kind of posts are most successful and how people are finding them, but also about the effectiveness of my self-promotion as an artist. And sometimes, they’re just too darn funny. Or gross.

So, in celebration of reaching my goal, I present to you the SEARCH TERM HALL OF FAME!!!!! These are all real, unadulterated search terms that have referred viewers to my website. Oh my god, what does this say about me?

Sarcastic use of quotation marks much? My post about Zooey Deschanel got a lot of traffic! Here’s what’s quirkin’.

  • sexy saddle shoes
  • my checks have baby farm animals bitch
  • “zooey deschanel” “intellectual”

OK, so “hot guys with tattoo sleeves” isn’t really that gross, and I’m glad for Dave that he’s what shows up if you search my blog for that term. But the rest of these weirdos, you should be ashamed! 

  • hot guys with tattoo sleeves
  • old school tattoo pin up bitch
  • pregnant tattoo girls with pink hair
  • sexy as fuk mexicans
  • macro porn
  • farmer porn
  • nasty pin up girs
  • amanda swallows
  • foot chocolate cherry
  • mustard on a finger

I think it looks like this, right?

  • pagan wedding dress

I’m super flattered that literally, when you look up “really girly tattoos,” you’ll find me. Oh and, whoever you are that is stalking me… get a life. 

  • really girly tattoos
  • kristyn derosa south florida
  • my sexy and cool girlfriend
  • la pin-up Kristyn
  • ombre gone wrong

Can’t handle the cuteness. This makes me want to adopt baby bats instead of breeding a real human baby. And put those fake tattoo sleeves on my fat cat. And take pictures of him hanging out with the baby bats. Fat cat baby bat tats? Instant internet gold!

  • fat cat tats
  • gangsta with bat
  • bats and baby formula

OK, I know what they meant by “art teachers do meme” but you have to admit, it sounds kind of sexy.

  • teacher pinup
  • tattoos for history teachers
  • art teachers do meme

#1, Get off Myke Chambers’ nuts, that position has already been filled. #2, learn to draw your own damn tattoos. If there wasn’t already enough evidence that some people just shouldn’t be tattooing, or getting tattooed, here ya go.

  • women posing with myke chambers
  • fuck you pay me weed symbol
  • asian themed tattoo layouts
  • free girly tattoo flash
  • line drawings by angelique houtkamp ready to use

And finally, we come to the most ridiculous and amazing search terms ever to lead an internet viewer to my blog. Rest assured, I will be making a new list before another six months is up, and I hope it will be in celebration of a new blog milestone. Thanks for reading.

  • do mexicans hate it when people get dia de los muertos tattoos?
  • is an blood orange bat blood?
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About Kristyn Michele Bat

Teacher, tattooer, artist.

One comment

  1. Lol.

    #1 I should probably set some sort of goal to hold myself acocuntable to.
    #2 you just made me curious so I looked up this month’s stats on Riotous Living. Best ones are: “woman farted”, attractive legs, and barbie eve bominavel. Oh and بيستاشيو كيك … Whatever that means.

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